Ah, online dating—a wondrous digital land where love blossoms, hearts are broken, and oh no, not another dead fish photo. If you’re dipping your toe into the wild waters of matchmaking apps, let me help you avoid the missteps that send people running for the hills (or just swiping left faster than you can say, “partner in crime”).

Your Kids: The Little Darlings Who Don’t Belong in Your Profile
Look, I’m sure your children and dare I say grandchildren are angels (or at least occasionally). But posting their photos in your dating profile—especially as your main picture—can make a potential match think, “Am I auditioning to be a romantic partner or a nanny?” Keep your kids out of the spotlight for now. This is your moment to shine, not theirs.

And while we’re on the topic: if your bio starts with “My kids are the loves of my life,” it’s sweet… but also a bit of a mood-killer. Potential partners might wonder, “Where does that leave room for me?” Save the love declarations for the people swiping right on you.

Stop Copy-Pasting “Hey Beautiful”
When someone receives “Hey beautiful” for the 47th time that day, it doesn’t feel special—it feels like a generic coupon for romance. Try something more creative, like referencing their profile. Trust me, “Hey, I see you’re into paddleboarding—do you have a shark-escape plan?” will get you further than bland flattery.

Let Go of the Clichés
Speaking of originality, if your bio includes “looking for a partner in crime,” you may as well add, “and I moonlight as a walking, talking dating stereotype.” Everyone’s seen it. Everyone’s rolled their eyes. Be specific about what you want—something that feels uniquely you.

Negativity Is a Buzzkill
“Drama-free.” “No toxic baggage.” “Sick of games.” Okay, we get it, you’ve been hurt—join the club! But plastering this all over your profile reads like a giant neon sign flashing BITTER, PARTY OF ONE. Instead, focus on the positives: what you’re looking forward to, what you value, what excites you about the idea of meeting someone new. Optimism is sexy.

“A Nice Lady” (or Gentleman)
Requesting a “nice lady” makes you sound like you’re ordering at a diner: “I’ll have the nice lady with a side of vanilla, please.” Instead, describe the qualities that light you up—compassion, humor, confidence, whatever it is. Trust me, nobody’s pining to be described as “nice.”

Let’s Talk About That Fish
Unless you’re starring in a reality show called The Bait Whisperer, it’s time to put the bass down and back away slowly. Dead fish photos are a universal “ugh” moment. If you love fishing, mention it in your profile, but swap the fish for a photo of you looking happy and rugged by a lake.

“I’m an Open Book, Just Ask”
This one screams lazy. A dating profile is your chance to give people a taste of who you are—not to set them up for a pop quiz. Share a few fun tidbits about yourself. Think of it like leaving breadcrumbs, not a scavenger hunt.

Your Pets Are Cute, But…
We all love a good dog or cat pic (seriously, who doesn’t?), but if your entire bio reads like an ode to Fluffy, potential matches may think they’re competing with your fur baby. Keep it balanced—show you have room in your life for both your beloved pets and a partner.

Your Photos Need to Spark Joy
If your profile photos include frowning selfies, dimly lit shots, or your ex cropped out of the frame (we can tell, by the way), it’s time for a refresh. Aim for friendly, well-lit, and authentic photos that make people want to grab a coffee with you—or at least swipe right.

Friends or Lovers? Pick a Lane
“Looking for friendship first” is like saying, “I’m browsing, not buying.” It’s fine to want to take things slow, but if romance is on the table, don’t bury it under disclaimers. Be clear about your intentions.

Avoid the Pitfalls, Embrace the Possibilities
Your online dating profile should feel like a teaser trailer to a movie people actually want to see. Be authentic, positive, and approachable. And above all, remember: the goal is to attract the right match, not scare them off with fish, frowns, or fatal clichés. Now, go forth and swipe wisely!