Ah, the age-old question: are blondes really living in a world of carefree bliss, or are we all just projecting our insecurities onto peroxide and highlights? Writing about this without sounding like an incel, a beta male, or someone too deeply invested in hair dye chemistry is no small feat. Yet, here we are, embarking on what might be less a quest for answers, and more an exercise in rhetorical hair-splitting.

Let’s start with dating apps – a modern battlefield of swipes and signals. Among the throngs of thumbnails, dyed blondes seem to project an aura of exclusivity, their profiles brimming with criteria that could rival a job application. Are they filtering for quality, or are we mere mortals simply grappling with a complex about their sun-kissed manes? If my success rate at guessing their dating parameters is any indication – 19 out of 20, for those keeping score – it’s safe to say there’s a pattern. Dyed blondes often seek monogamous, long-term relationships with a healthy side of yoga, financial security, and vacation photos fit for Instagram.

But here’s the real question: does their hair color influence their attitude? Are dyed blondes subconsciously channeling the remnants of Hollywood’s golden era when Marilyn reigned supreme? Or is blonde ambition simply a reflection of modern dating demands? Personally, I’ll take a redhead – natural or otherwise – any day, or even a creative shade of green, purple, or the noble dignity of natural gray.

Social media, of course, only stirs the pot. Take the “relationship expert” I’ve been observing—a dyed blonde, single mom in her early 30s, who doles out mononormative dating advice with the fervor of a self-proclaimed guru. Her brand is a blend of retrograde toxic masculinity, and transactional dating. With her newly enhanced assets, and a steady stream of high-profile suitors, she’s a case study in leveraging appearance for clout. It’s a spectacle to watch her bounce from Latin entrepreneurs to American bankers, her love life resetting every six to eight weeks. One wonders if she’s truly looking for love, or just excellent brand engagement.

Which brings us back to the blonde mystique: is there really a hierarchy of hair color? And if blondes are at the top, why aren’t they everywhere? While living in California, I was often asked by European friends, “Where are all the leggy blondes from the movies?” The reality, in tech-heavy Silicon Valley, leaned brunette, due mainly to the large Asian and Latin presence, with blonde sightings limited to the occasional intellectual property lawyer who, interestingly, also subscribed to the “if you want my time, pay for it” school of thought.

A friend in Montreal read an early draft of this piece and called me out for not showcasing my feminist credentials. She reminded me of her gray-haired friend, who used to be a dyed blonde, who faced male criticism for the change, but received overwhelming support from women for embracing her natural look. She also highlighted the rise of transactional dating, where “gold digging” is less taboo, and more a strategic career choice.

So, perhaps I’ve had this all wrong. Maybe it’s not that dyed blondes feel superior, but that men create the demand by fetishizing the hair color. Women, ever the astute adapters, respond accordingly. If dyed blondes are the aspirational choice for Alpha males chasing society’s markers of success, they’re simply playing to the market. And if, as a self-declared Sigma male, I prefer intelligence and curiosity over Instagram-ready jet-setting, I should be grateful for the self-selection happening on dating sites.

As for our social media influencer, she’s gone chestnut red since her latest breakup. Perhaps she’s starting her own rebellion against the hierarchy, or maybe she’s just running an A/B test on hair color ROI. Either way, it seems dyed blondes are navigating a complex world of expectations – just like the rest of us.

Stay tuned for the next post, where we tackle transactional dating, shifting power dynamics, and the role of social media in modern romance. For now, let’s toast to the dyed blondes, of all genders, who keep the world guessing – and swiping.