Ah, the old southern bias strikes again! You’d think life – and football – only exists south of Watford Gap, wouldn’t you? Apparently, if you’re not down in London sipping a flat white in some soulless Shoreditch café or paying £12 for a slice of avocado toast, you don’t count. And when it comes to football, if you’re not Arsenal, Chelsea, or Spurs, well, you might as well be playing in the Championship according to some of these so-called pundits.

Take Newcastle United, for example – a proper football club with proper fans – HWTL! Not like these plastic mobs that turn up late to the Emirates and spend half the match checking their Instagram. Newcastle’s got St. James’ Park – a cathedral of football where 52,000 Geordies belt out chants so loud you can hear them in Sunderland (not that anyone’s listening down there). But according to the media, we’re just a “stepping stone” club, a place for players to stop off on their way to bigger, shinier things down south. Bigger? Shinier? Do me a favour.

Let’s talk about some of the lads pulling on the black and white these days. Anthony Gordon – a scouser by birth, but now one of our own. They said he’d never live up to his price tag when he joined, but he’s proved them wrong and then some. The lad runs like he’s got a rocket strapped to his back, and you’d need a police escort to catch him. Can you see him swapping the roar of the Gallowgate for a quiet corner of Stamford Bridge? Nah, me neither.

And then there’s Alexander Isak, a Swedish Rolls-Royce of a striker. He glides past defenders like they’re traffic cones and scores goals for fun. You reckon he’s looking at London and thinking, “Hmm, I’d like to swap the passion of the Toon Army for some half-empty seats at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium”? Not a chance. He’s thriving in the North East – where football’s not just a sport, it’s a religion.

Oh, and don’t forget Bruno Guimarães, the Brazilian maestro pulling the strings in midfield. There’s not a club in the world that wouldn’t want him, but he’s made it crystal clear – he loves it here. You think he’s giving up proper football culture, and a city that treats him like a king to join the Arsenal TikTok brigade? Behave yourself.

The thing is, Newcastle’s not just a pit stop anymore. The days of being patronized by the southern elite are over. We’ve got world-class players, world-class facilities, and owners who could buy and sell most of London without breaking a sweat. And the fans? The best in the business. They’d follow the lads to the ends of the Earth – though, let’s face it, for us, that’s just Sunderland.

So, to all the southern softies with your artisan beers and overpriced flats: keep your latte art and your selfie sticks. Up here, we’ve got grit, heart, and a team that’s building something special. And trust me, once a player feels the raw passion of St. James’ Park and hears the roar of the Gallowgate, they’re not heading south – unless it’s for an away game or to show Spurs what a real club looks like.