Well, well, well… looks like Manchester United are getting a taste of what we Geordies had to put up with for 14 years under Mike Ashley. Cost-cutting, redundancies, and a general sense that the people running the club see it as more of a financial spreadsheet than a football institution. Welcome to the world of being treated like a “brand” instead of a football club, lads. How’s it feel?

Sir Jim Ratcliffe has come in swinging the axe, with up to 200 staff members getting their marching orders. Free staff meals? Gone. Perks? Vanished. At this rate, the poor sods still employed will be fighting over who gets to lick the spoon in the staff canteen. But don’t worry, there’s “performance-linked incentives” to keep morale up—because nothing motivates an underpaid, overworked employee quite like the vague promise of a bonus that’ll never arrive.

All of this while Man U, a club that rakes in cash like a dodgy bookie, somehow keeps posting financial losses. Turns out that when you spend billions on panic-buys and bloated wages without much thought, it eventually catches up with you. And now, instead of solving the root of the problem, Ratcliffe is going full “Sports Direct” and slashing costs like a man trying to save a sinking ship with a teaspoon.

Now, us Newcastle fans have seen this movie before. Mike Ashley had us running on a skeleton crew, refusing to spend properly while still expecting us to be grateful for the privilege of existing. For years, we were stuck in football purgatory, watching bargain-bin signings and uninspiring football while the club’s bank account got fatter. Sound familiar, United fans? Aye, we thought so.

The difference is, we got out of it. Ashley’s gone, and now we’ve got owners who actually want to win things—imagine that! Meanwhile, Man United are looking more and more like a club stuck in the past, desperately trying to cut costs while pretending they’re still the big boys. If they’re not careful, Old Trafford will start looking as lifeless as St James’ Park did in the Ashley years. But hey, at least their staff will have plenty of room in the canteen now.