Category Archives: My Intentional Community

Personal essays about love, polyamory, chosen family, and meaningful connection. These pieces explore personal growth, ethical commitments, and the joys and challenges of building a life with purpose, clarity, and emotional honesty.

Living the SoPoRA Life: A Light-Hearted Take on Choosing Autonomy

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Ever feel like your life is an endless RSVP? Invitations roll in: “Come to this event! Join me for that activity! Let’s grab a drink!” It’s lovely to be included, truly. But what’s less lovely are the interrogations that follow when I politely decline.

“What are you doing instead?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Wait… who’s more important than me?”

Ah, the joys of boundary-setting in a world that thrives on FOMO and social expectations.

This isn’t my first rodeo with the honesty vs. transparency debate, but today I want to shift the focus. It’s not about what I say to others – it’s about how I choose to live my daily life. For me, it’s far simpler (and far more satisfying) to opt in when I genuinely want to connect than to constantly opt out to preserve my space.

If the world were a little more straightforward, I’d label my lifestyle as that of a Solo Polyamorous Relationship Anarchist (or SoPoRA for short). What does that mean? It’s a big mouthful, sure, but at its core, it’s a fancy way of saying I value my autonomy and independence while cherishing meaningful, non-hierarchical connections with others.

Solo Polyamory is all about embracing the beauty of being my own primary partner, while maintaining multiple, consensual relationships. It’s not about having less love – it’s about loving without turning my life into a game of musical chairs, where one partner automatically claims the “primary” seat.

And Relationship Anarchism? That’s the freedom to reject societal scripts about how relationships should work. No automatic rankings of romantic partners above friends. No forcing connections into neat little boxes labeled “partner,” “friend,” or “fling.” Instead, each relationship is uniquely crafted based on mutual agreement and organic growth.

Now, before you picture me as some lone wolf prowling around in emotional isolation, let me clarify: this choice doesn’t mean I don’t value connection – it just means I thrive on creating it without compromising my independence. 

But what this looks like practically, I hear you ask? Well, I love my space – my home is my sanctuary, and it’s where I recharge. I set firm personal boundaries to maintain my autonomy – this isn’t selfish – it’s self-care. Communication is my superpower – I prioritize honesty, consent, and mutual understanding with anyone I’m involved with.

Solo Polyamory and Relationship Anarchism require a level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence that can feel like a full-time job some days. But the rewards? Oh, they’re worth it. There’s a joy in living authentically, in crafting connections that adapt as people grow, and in knowing every “yes” you give is genuine.

So, the next time I politely decline an invitation, know this: it’s not about you. It’s about me choosing to live a life that feels full, free, and fulfilling – one beautifully crafted, consensual connection at a time.

Submission with a Side of Sass: How D/s Works When She’s Already the Boss

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She moves through the world like a storm; a fierce, untamed, mid-30s mother of five, crafter extraordinaire, and garden whisperer, whose hands have known both the weight of creation and the ache of exhaustion. There is no pause button on her life. No off switch. Just the endless, whirling current of responsibility, love, and survival. She’s an iron fist, wrapped in soft crocheted glove.

And yet, there are times, when the last dish is put away, the last tiny voice has melted into dreams, that she chooses to surrender. Not to weakness, not to absence, but to something deeper: a gravity that only exists in the presence of one man.

This isn’t your grandma’s romance, it’s a high-wire act of trust, respect, and the perfect dash of “Yes, Daddy” A dynamic built not on imbalance, but on intention. You, in your mid-sixties, are not here to tame her, nor to save her, she doesn’t need that. The house? Handled. The kids? Thriving. The bills? Paid. She’s her own rescue squad, the backbone of an empire she built from love, grit, and sheer force of will.

And yet, in you, she finds something she doesn’t find anywhere else. A place to exhale. A stillness that meets her storm. A compass, not a cage.

She kneels, not because she is lesser, but because she is strong enough to know where and when she can let go. Your hands on her shoulders don’t suppress her, they steady her, reminding her of the rhythm of her own breath. And in that moment, she is not lost, she is home.

Your dominance isn’t about barking orders or micromanaging her world; it’s about providing the stability and structure she can lean into, not just in the quiet hours, but every single day – even when you’re not around. You don’t fix her, she’s not broken. You don’t overshadow her, she’s got enough light for the both of you. What you bring is the kind of dominance that isn’t taken, but earned, through trust, presence, and the unshakable certainty that, in this space, she doesn’t have to be everything at once.

And let’s sprinkle some polyamory into this dynamic, just to keep things interesting. While others struggle to keep one relationship afloat, you two are out here spinning plates, writing a masterclass on communication, continuous consent, and emotional intelligence. Love isn’t a zero-sum game, it’s a feast, and you both know how to savor it.

And then there’s the age gap. She’s probably scrolling TikTok while you’re swapping out vinyls, but let’s be honest, so what? Your years bring wisdom, stability, and a seasoned dominance she trusts, while her fire keeps you on your toes. Together, you bridge that gap with humor, connection, and maybe the occasional debate over whether real music has to involve a turntable.

At the end of the day, this works because it’s built on one simple, but powerful thing: choice. She chooses to submit. You choose to lead. She embraces her independence while leaning into the structure you provide. It’s not just love, it’s art. A dynamic that blends autonomy with connection, trust with surrender, and strength with vulnerability.

And let’s be real, you’re not just rewriting the rulebook. You’re lighting it on fire and daring anyone to say a word.

And if someone does?

Just smile and say, This is how we love, and it works.

My Favourite Polyamory Quotes

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I am polyamorous, and have been for many a year. I cultivate and maintain a network of secure attachment relationships with people who are also polyamorous, who often have multiple partners of their own.  I prefer to date and partner with experienced poly people, and occasionally someone crosses my path that feels so aligned that this policy goes out the window, and I get to date a polynewbie.  

There will be many more posts on relationships in the 21st Century, and in the meantime, this one is where I will be sharing some of my favourite poly quotes, adding to it as the months go by. 

Please be aware, while I am happy to discuss relationship dynamics, I am not interested in any negative commentary, and will block any source of unthinking, rude or obnoxious messages. 

I hope you enjoy these thoughts. I tend to use the Canadian English spelling of polyamorous, but when posting quotes I use exactly what and how it was published. 

”The quality of a polycule is directly proportional to the communication skills of its least emotionally secure member.
Or, if you prefer something gentler, less absolute, more accepting.
A polycule’s health depends less on its most skilled communicator, than on how well its least secure member feels heard. ” – @chrismcbean.bsky.social

“Polyamory (noun): when multiple people are plotting to care about you, a wholesome conspiracy” – @PolydotLand

“Polyamory is NOT endless orgies, nor is it cuckoldry with extra steps.

Polyamory is two idiots walking down the street holding hands debating with one another about how each of them should ask out their respective crushes, and then neither of them following through.” – @5aximus

“Solo polyamory helps me go at a comfortable pace. Now that I’m no longer entering relationships with a particular goal in mind, like marriage or cohabitation, I’m not in a rush to find out whether a partner can give me those traditional markers of relational success/fulfilment.” – @unapolygetic

“Your significant other is allowed to have meaningful relationships with other people. Your significant other is allowed to get things from those relationships that they don’t get from you. Demanding you be the only source of pleasure and support in their life is possessive and toxic.” –  @LadylsAVamp_

 “I was asked, ‘who is your best friend?’ I don’t know. I don’t use language like that anymore. It doesn’t fit. I have friends that hold the keys to different doors of my personality. And some open my heart. Some my laughter. Some my sin. Some my civic urgency.” – @abgljoe 

“One of my favourite challenges posed by polyamory lies in its potential to undermine the idea that women are ‘rivals’ for the attentions of men. Hey, what if we are ‘collaborators’ in loving and supporting our mutual partners? I know, wild eh …” – @carriejenkins 

“Solo polyamory is finding it more enjoyable to opt in to spending time with people as opposed to opting out to get my own space.” – @PolyamAwareness

“Relationships fail when people take their own insecurities and project them as their partner’s flaws.”- @stevemaraboli 

Pints, Paint, and Purple Hair: Dating a Grandma Who’s Anything But Grey

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Dating a 60 year old, grey-haired grandma with bold blue and purple streaks is like sipping a craft beer flight; unexpected, full of flavor, and just the right amount of fizz! She’s not your average semi-retiree. She’s an artist and crafter, forever turning everyday items into masterpieces. A walk with her through a thrift shop feels like wandering through the Louvre, as she marvels at the potential in old buttons, battered picture frames, and yarns in colors you didn’t even know existed.

Her sense of humor? Sharp and sparkling, much like the IPA she insists you try (even if you’re feeling like a stout). She doesn’t just drink craft beer; she lives it, savoring every sip while recounting stories of road trips to microbreweries, where she once debated hops with a bearded brewer half her age. Spoiler: She won the argument! 

And let’s not forget the adventures – oh, the adventures! When she says, “Let’s go on a road trip,” she doesn’t mean a simple weekend getaway. No, no, she’s planning a pilgrimage to every quirky art gallery and secret beer garden she’s bookmarked over the years. You’ll find yourself lost in a small town you’ve never heard of, surrounded by nothing but cows, and the distant hum of a local jazz band, all because she read about it in an obscure art magazine from 1982. You’ll try to keep track of her “I have an idea” moments, but with her creativity, you’ll likely end up in a pottery class at midnight, shaping clay while sipping on a hopped cider she personally picked out, because she knows you’ll love it. It’s an unexpected, whirlwind romance, and every minute is a colorful surprise you’ll never forget. Just don’t ask about the glitter, it gets everywhere.

This grandma doesn’t just have stories; she is a story. She’ll teach you the art of weaving one minute, and how to bake gingerbread the next. Dating her is like being with a vibrant human kaleidoscope; colorful, surprising, and endlessly fascinating. Sure, you might struggle to keep up as she paints landscapes by day and hosts beer tastings by night, while cooking a North African meal, but isn’t that the fun of it? She’s proof that life, love, and art only get better with age, especially with a splash of teal. If you’re lucky enough to be dating her, cheers to you! Just remember, don’t touch her yarn stash without asking.

Indifference – A Reflection on a Personal Conversation

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I want to reflect upon a fascinating conversation I had late Christmas night with a dear friend. We ended up talking about personal boundaries, and the ways we protect ourselves emotionally. It was one of those deep, reflective discussions that linger long after the words are spoken.

At some point, I shared a hard lesson I learned from an ex-partner about the concept of indifference. That simple admission opened a door to a much larger, layered conversation about what indifference truly means, how it functions, and the role it plays in our relationships; both with others and with ourselves.

What struck me was how much weight the word indifference carries. It’s such a profound concept when you think about it. Philosophers like Elie Wiesel have said that indifference, not hatred, is the true opposite of love. Love and hate, after all, are both fiery, emotional investments; they require energy, passion, and focus. But indifference? That’s the absence of all of that. It’s an emotional void, a refusal to care.

We talked about how indifference can be more painful than outright hate. At least with hate, you know you’re being seen, felt, acknowledged in some way. Indifference, on the other hand, feels like being erased, like you don’t matter enough to warrant any reaction at all. In relationships, it can create this deep loneliness; a silent, aching space where love or even conflict should be.

But then we got into the darker side of indifference, how it can also be wielded as a kind of weapon. It’s not always passive, you know? Sometimes it’s deliberate, a way to assert control or punish without saying a word. We’ve all seen or felt it in some form: the cold shoulder, the ignored text, the subtle withholding of care or acknowledgment. Those silences and omissions can be sharper than words.

We explored a few examples, like in romantic relationships, when one partner uses indifference to send a cruel, unspoken message: “You don’t matter.” Or in workplaces, where a boss might undermine someone by pretending their contributions don’t exist. That kind of calculated indifference is devastating because it’s so insidious. It leaves the other person questioning their worth.

What’s tricky is that indifference isn’t always malicious. It can be a survival mechanism too, right? Sometimes, detaching and withdrawing emotionally is a way to protect ourselves from toxic dynamics or emotional exhaustion. The question is whether indifference is being used as self-preservation or as a means to harm or manipulate someone else.

Honestly, the more we talked about it, the more I realized how thin the line is between healthy detachment and destructive indifference. I think perhaps that intention is everything, whether it’s about creating space for yourself or shutting someone out entirely.

The whole conversation left me reflecting on my own tendencies and how I’ve used or experienced indifference in my life. It’s a lot to sit with, but also something I feel like I need to understand better.

What do you think? Have you ever found yourself wrestling with indifference, either as a tool or as something you’ve been on the receiving end of? 

Restarting the Dialogue

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After a decade of blogosphere silence, I have decided to dust off my keyboard, and load a fresh cartridge of digital ink. What a whirlwind decade it’s been – pandemic pandemonium, family milestones (both good and sad), and a truckload of memes that I still don’t understand. My boys have morphed from screen-obsessed teenagers into bona fide mature, successful adults, leaving me with a smidge more ‘Me time’ to pontificate about life, love, and the pursuit of a decent cup of coffee. 

So, what’s on the agenda for this rebooted blog? Well, I’m diving back into the delightful world of social commentary, tossing in a dash of economic banter, and sprinkling some political punditry on top. But fear not, I promise to keep it light and breezy, OK I lied, but it will be entertaining, educational and hopefully eloquent.  I am also planning to share stories from my over five decades of working experience while living on four continents, and visiting 70 countries. 

As I dust off my mental filing cabinet, I’ve unearthed a treasure trove of ideas for future posts. From the quirks of local politics to the joys of community potlucks, I’ve got about 20 drafts simmering on the back burner, just waiting to be served up with a side of finger pointing and a large dollop of eye rolling.  

So grab a virtual seat, pour yourself a metaphorical cuppa Joe, and let’s embark on this conversational adventure together. Comments are welcome and gratefully received, as long as the discourse is polite, on point and respectful.

Finally, other than the ‘About’ picture of yours truly, all the images used with the posts are either sourced from the Interweb or AI generated by me.