Tag Archives: mental-health

The Hidden Cost of Closing Local Public Health Units

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Update
The board of Southeast Public Health (SEPH) has passed a motion asking its CEO to reconsider a plan to shutter eight rural offices and explain what led to that decision. The call comes as officials across eastern Ontario speak out against the proposed closures, which were due to take effect in March. SEPH announced last week that it planned to terminated leases in Almonte, Gananoque, Kemptville, Napanee, Perth, Picton and Trenton. An eighth office in Cloyne which SEPH owns would be sold.

When you’ve lived long enough in a rural place, you develop a sense for which institutions actually bind a community together. Some of them are obvious; the hockey arena, the library, the one café where you run into half the town before nine in the morning. Others do their work quietly. Public health units fall into that latter category. They never announce their importance; they simply keep a community ticking along.

That’s why the proposed closure of the Kemptville public health unit has struck such a deep chord in eastern Ontario. To anyone outside the region, it probably looks like a simple administrative shuffle: move the services to Ottawa or Kingston and carry on. But those who live here know that distance has a way of turning a small inconvenience into a real barrier. Rural health research is clear on that point. Canadian Institute for Health Information (CIHI) notes that rural residents face travel burdens six times higher than people in cities, and that even modest distance cuts down uptake of preventive care. It’s not theory. It’s Thursday morning in North Grenville.

A public health visit is rarely glamorous. Nobody posts a celebratory photo after getting their drinking-water sample tested or updating their child’s vaccination record, but these are the tasks that keep a place running, in the same way tightening a hinge keeps a door from falling off. When the unit is close, as the Kemptville unit is, tucked neatly beside the hospital, parents can stop in between shifts, seniors can get help without arranging a ride, and newcomers can manage the long list of small bureaucratic necessities required to make a life in a new place. When that office moves forty, sixty or maybe eighty kilometres down the road, the entire calculation changes.

People take a full day off work. Children miss school. A family without a reliable car postpones the visit until “next month.” And a problem that could have been handled locally becomes an emergency that costs everyone more: the household, the employer, and the healthcare system itself. That is the part governments always seem to forget: the cost of a rural resident sitting in a car for two hours is not measured in fuel receipts alone. It’s measured in missed wages, lost productivity, and the slow erosion of trust in the very systems meant to safeguard public health.

There is also the quieter economic impact. Studies of rural healthcare closures show a pattern: when services disappear, the ripple effects spread. Local hiring dries up. Families choose to settle elsewhere. Seniors relocate to be closer to care. The community loses a little more gravity, a little more anchoring. Rural towns rarely collapse in dramatic fashion; they thin out one service at a time.

All of this feels especially unnecessary in a place like North Grenville. The region is one of the fastest-growing in eastern Ontario. School enrolment is up. Housing construction is steady. The local hospital is expanding, not shrinking. The public health unit is not some neglected outpost; it’s a well-used, well-located service connected directly to the community’s primary health campus. Closing it now is the policy equivalent of removing the front steps during a house renovation: technically possible, but it makes entering the home far harder for everyone.

Public health is fundamentally about prevention, and prevention only works when it’s woven into daily life. When it’s close, familiar, and easy to reach. Kemptville has all of those conditions already. The proposal to centralize services somewhere down Highway 416 or the 401 misunderstands the landscape entirely. Rural communities don’t need systems pulled farther away. They need them held closer, strengthened, and modernized in place.

The truth is simple: local public health units are part of rural infrastructure. Not decorative. Not optional. They are as important as roads, schools, and clean water. You invest in them because they prevent larger problems; social, economic, and medical from taking root.

And in a growing rural township like North Grenville, the smart money isn’t on withdrawal. It’s on staying put.

The Grades Don’t Lie: How Social Media Time Erodes Classroom Results

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We finally have the kind of hard, population-level evidence that makes talking about social media and school performance less about anecdotes and more about policy. For years the debate lived in headlines, parental horror stories and small, mixed academic papers. Now, large cohort studies, systematic reviews and international surveys point to the same basic pattern: more time on social media and off-task phone use is associated with lower standardized test scores and classroom performance, the effect grows with exposure, and in many datasets girls appear to show stronger negative associations than boys. Those are blunt findings, but blunt facts can still be useful when shaping policy.  

What does the evidence actually say? A recent prospective cohort study that linked children’s screen-time data to provincial standardized test scores found measurable, dose-dependent associations: children who spent more daily time on digital media, including social platforms, tended to score lower on later standardized assessments. The study controlled for a range of background factors, which strengthens the association and makes it plausible that screen exposure is playing a role in educational outcomes. That dose-response pattern, the more exposure, the larger the test-score deficit, is exactly the sort of signal epidemiologists look for when weighing causality.  

Systematic reviews and meta-analyses add weight to the single-study findings. A 2025 systematic review of social-media addiction and academic outcomes pooled global studies and concluded that problematic or excessive social-media use is consistently linked with poorer academic performance. The mechanisms are sensible and familiar: displacement of homework and reading time, impaired sleep and concentration, and increased multitasking during classwork that reduces learning efficiency. Taken together with cohort data, the reviews make a strong case that social media exposure is an educational risk factor worth addressing.  

One of the most important and worrying nuances is sex differences. Multiple recent analyses report that the negative relationship between social-media use and academic achievement tends to be stronger for girls than boys. Some researchers hypothesise why: girls on average report heavier engagement in image- and comparison-based social activities, higher exposure to social-evaluative threat and cyberbullying, and greater sleep disruption linked to late-night social use. Those psychosocial pathways map onto declines in concentration, motivation and ultimately grades. The pattern is not universal, and some studies still show mixed gender effects, but the preponderance of evidence points to meaningful gendered harms that regulators and schools should not ignore.  

We should, however, be precise about what the data do and do not prove. Most observational studies cannot establish definitive causation: kids who are struggling for other reasons may also turn to social media, and content matters—educational uses can help, while passive scrolling harms. Randomised controlled trials at scale are rare and ethically complex. Still, the consistency across different methodologies, the dose-response signals and plausible mediating mechanisms (sleep, displacement, attention fragmentation) do make a causal interpretation credible enough to act on. In public health terms, the evidence has passed the “good enough to justify precaution” threshold.  

How should this evidence reshape policy? First, age limits and minimum-age enforcement, like Australia’s move to restrict under-16 access, are a sensible piece of a larger strategy. Restricting easy, early access reduces cumulative exposure during critical developmental years and buys time for children to build digital literacy. Second, school policies matter but are insufficient if they stop at the classroom door. The best interventions couple school rules with family guidance, sleep-friendly device practices and regulations that reduce product-level persuasive design aimed at minors. Third, we must pay attention to gender. Interventions should include supports that address comparison culture and online harassment, which disproportionately harm girls’ wellbeing and school engagement.  

There will be pushback. Tech firms and some researchers rightly point to the mixed evidence on benefits, the potential for overreach, and the social costs of exclusion. But responsible policy doesn’t demand perfect proof before action. We now have robust, repeated findings that increased social-media exposure correlates with lower academic performance, shows a dose-response pattern, and often hits girls harder. That combination is a call to build rules, tools and educational systems that reduce harm while preserving the genuinely useful parts of digital life. In plain language: if we care about learning, we must treat social media as an educational determinant and act accordingly.

Sources:
• Li X et al., “Screen Time and Standardized Academic Achievement,” JAMA Network Open, 2025.
• Salari N et al., systematic review on social media addiction and academic performance, PMC/2025.
• OECD, “How’s Life for Children in the Digital Age?” 2025 report.
• Hales GE, “Rethinking screen time and academic achievement,” 2025 analysis (gender differences highlighted).
• University of Birmingham/Lancet regional reporting on phone bans and school outcomes, Feb 2025.  

The Great Scramble: Social Media Giants Race to Comply with Australia’s Age Ban

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Australia has just done something the rest of the internet can no longer ignore: it decided that, for the time being, social media access should be delayed for kids under 16. Call it bold, paternalistic, overdue or experimental. Whatever your adjective of choice, the point is this is a policy with teeth and consequences, and that matters. The law requires age-restricted platforms to take “reasonable steps” to stop under-16s having accounts, and it will begin to bite in December 2025. That deadline forces platforms to move from rhetoric to engineering, and that shift is telling.  

Why I think the policy is fundamentally a good idea goes beyond the moral headline. For a decade we have outsourced adolescent digital socialisation to ad-driven attention machines that were never designed with developing brains in mind. Time-delaying access gives families, schools and governments an opportunity to rebuild the scaffolding that surrounds childhood: literacy about persuasion, clearer boundaries around sleep and device use, and a chance for platforms to stop treating teens as simply monetisable micro-audiences. It is one thing to set community standards; it is another to redesign incentives so that product choices stop optimising for addictive engagement. Australia’s law tries the latter.  

Of course the tech giants are not happy, and they are not hiding it. Expect full legal teams, policy briefs and frantic engineering sprints. Public remarks from major firms and coverage in the press show them arguing the law is difficult to enforce, privacy-risky, and could push young people to darker, less regulated corners of the web. That pushback is predictable. For years platforms have profited from lax enforcement and opaque data practices. Now they must prove compliance under the glare of a regulator and the threat of hefty fines, reported to run into the tens of millions of Australian dollars for systemic failures. That mix of reputational, legal and commercial pressure makes scrambling inevitable.  

What does “scrambling” look like in practice? First, you’ll see a sprint to age-assurance: signals and heuristics that estimate age from behaviour, optional verification flows, partnerships with third-party age verifiers, and experiments with cryptographic tokens that prove age without handing over personal data. Second, engineering teams will triage risk: focusing verification on accounts exhibiting suspicious patterns rather than mass purges, while legal and privacy teams try to calibrate what “reasonable steps” means in each jurisdiction. Third, expect public relations campaigns framing any friction as a threat to access, fairness or children’s privacy. It is theatre as much as engineering, but it’s still engineering, and that is where the real change happens.  

There are real hazards. Age assurance is technically imperfect, easy to game, and if implemented poorly, dangerous to privacy. That is why Australia’s privacy regulator has already set out guidance for age-assurance processes, insisting that any solution must comply with data-protection law and minimise collection of sensitive data. Regulators know the risk of pushing teens into VPNs, closed messaging apps or unmoderated corners. The policy therefore needs to be paired with outreach, education and investment in safer alternative spaces for young people to learn digital citizenship.  

If you think Australia is alone, think again. Brussels and member states have been quietly advancing parallel work on protecting minors online. The EU has published guidelines under the Digital Services Act for the protection of young users, is piloting age verification tools, and MEPs have recently backed proposals that would harmonise a digital minimum age across the bloc at around 16 for some services. In short, a regulatory chorus is forming: national experiments, EU standards and cross-border enforcement conversations are aligning. That matters because platform policies are global; once a firm engineers for one major market’s requirements, product changes often ripple worldwide.  

So should we applaud the Australian experiment? Yes, cautiously. It forces uncomfortable but necessary questions: who owns the attention economy, how do we protect children without isolating them, and how do we create technical systems that are privacy respectful? The platforms’ scramble is not simply performative obstruction. It is a market signal: companies are being forced to choose between profit-first products and building features that respect developmental needs and legal obligations. If those engineering choices stick, we will have nudged the architecture of social media in the right direction.

The next six to twelve months will be crucial. Watch the regulatory guidance that defines “reasonable steps,” the age-assurance pilots that survive privacy scrutiny, and the legal challenges that will test the scope of national rules on global platforms. For bloggers, parents and policymakers the task is the same: hold platforms accountable, insist on privacy-preserving verification, and ensure this policy is one part of a broader ecosystem that teaches young people how to use digital tools well, not simply keeps them out. The scramble is messy, but sometimes mess is the price of necessary reform.

Sources and recommended reads (pages I used while writing): 
• eSafety — Social media age restrictions hub and FAQs. https://www.esafety.gov.au/about-us/industry-regulation/social-media-age-restrictions.
• Reuters — Australia passes social media ban for children under 16. https://www.reuters.com/technology/australia-passes-social-media-ban-children-under-16-2024-11-28/.
• OAIC — Privacy guidance for Social Media Minimum Age. https://www.oaic.gov.au/privacy/privacy-legislation/related-legislation/social-media-minimum-age.
• EU Digital Strategy / Commission guidance on protection of minors under the DSA. https://digital-strategy.ec.europa.eu/en/library/commission-publishes-guidelines-protection-minors.
• Reporting on EU age verification pilots and DSA enforcement. The Verge coverage of EU prototype age verification app. https://www.theverge.com/news/699151/eu-age-verification-app-dsa-enforcement.  

The Mirage of Intimacy: Online Relationships and the Illusion of Closeness

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In the digital age, relationships often begin, or even flourish, online. A message pings at midnight, and suddenly a conversation feels urgent, intimate, and deeply personal. The hours slip by as we reveal our thoughts, secrets, and vulnerabilities to someone whose physical presence we may never experience. Online connections have a remarkable capacity to feel profoundly close, sometimes more so than our in-person friendships. Yet, beneath this apparent closeness lies a subtle paradox: what feels intimate is often a carefully curated illusion, a projection of our desire for connection rather than a fully realized relational reality.

One of the most striking aspects of online communication is how quickly intimacy can develop. Psychological research identifies the “online disinhibition effect,” where people disclose personal thoughts, fears, and fantasies faster than they would in face-to-face interactions. Late-night chats, shared memes, and deep confessions create a sense of continuous access and emotional availability. In polyamorous or kink communities, this effect is amplified: the vulnerability required in these spaces: sharing desires, boundaries, and experiences, naturally fosters trust, even across screens. The result can be a rapid acceleration of closeness, sometimes outpacing the organic development of real-world relationships.

Yet, this intimacy is often an illusion. Online, we present curated versions of ourselves. We choose our words, images, and emojis carefully, emphasizing the aspects we hope will resonate. Likewise, the person on the other end is also performing a curated self, revealing only fragments of their life. This selective visibility can create a perception of depth that exceeds reality. We feel we know someone profoundly, when in truth, we are engaging with a projection of their identity shaped by context, desire, and expectation. The mind naturally fills in gaps, constructing a narrative of connection that may be more reflective of our own needs than the other person’s reality.

The challenges of this illusion are particularly pronounced in communities where trust and vulnerability are central. In kink or poly contexts, emotional intimacy can feel heightened through shared fantasies, discussions of boundaries, and the negotiation of desire. Yet these interactions, while genuine, exist in a digital space that strips away many grounding elements of relational reality. Physical cues, timing, and shared daily experiences – all critical for building resilient intimacy – are often absent. The result is a relationship that feels complete in our minds but is incomplete in practice.

This is not to suggest that online intimacy is inherently false. Many long-distance partnerships, mentorships, and friendships thrive entirely in digital form, creating meaningful and enduring bonds. The difference lies in grounding. Healthy online intimacy balances emotional openness with an awareness of the limitations inherent in digital interaction. It requires reflection, patience, and, when possible, opportunities for embodied connection that anchor the relationship in shared experience.

When this balance is absent, online relationships can become a double-edged sword. Misaligned expectations, idealization, and the absence of tangible reality can lead to disappointment, heartache, and confusion. We might overestimate the closeness we share, projecting onto the other person qualities or commitments that exist only in our own imagination. In extreme cases, this can strain in-person relationships, particularly in polyamorous or kink communities where multiple layers of connection must be navigated simultaneously.

The key is not to reject digital intimacy but to engage with it critically and consciously. Online relationships are powerful, evocative, and often transformative, but they are not replacements for embodied connection. They are a mirror, reflecting both the depth we feel and the gaps we cannot see. Recognizing this duality allows us to embrace the richness of online relationships while remaining attuned to the boundaries between perception and reality.

In the end, the lesson is subtle yet vital: intimacy is both real and illusory. The digital world magnifies our desire for connection, offering an immediacy and intensity that can feel intoxicating. Yet the most enduring relationships, whether online or offline, are those grounded in a balance of openness and discernment, imagination and reality. Understanding the mirage of digital closeness allows us to cherish the connection we feel while remaining aware of the distance it conceals. Only then can we navigate the fascinating, complex, and often intoxicating terrain of online intimacy with clarity, care, and compassion.

Rethinking Public Safety: Core Changes Needed in Western Policing

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Western policing institutions, from the United Kingdom to the United States, are facing mounting scrutiny for systemic failures that undermine public trust and fail to meet the safety needs of communities. Incidents of racial and gendered violence, misuse of force, and institutional culture problems reveal the limitations of the traditional model in which a single, uniformed police force handles the full spectrum of societal harms. This essay argues that public safety requires a reimagined, plural, and layered system. It presents six core principles for reform, grounded in evidence from pilot programs and case studies on both sides of the Atlantic, and discusses the implications for sustainable, accountable, and equitable policing.

Introduction
The model of policing inherited from 19th-century Western institutions, exemplified by Sir Robert Peel’s Metropolitan Police in London and early municipal police forces in the United States, was designed to maintain order and protect property. While law enforcement has evolved considerably, the persistence of systemic failures: including excessive use of force, discrimination, and insufficient accountability, reveals that the traditional, centralized policing model is increasingly misaligned with the safety needs of diverse urban and rural populations. Recent investigations, such as the BBC Panorama exposure of the Metropolitan Police and multiple high-profile police misconduct cases in the United States, underscore the urgency of systemic reform.

Reimagining public safety involves shifting from a monolithic force model to a plural, layered system in which enforcement is distinct from care, accountability is democratized, coercive intervention is minimized, social determinants are prioritized, non-police responders are professionalized, and transparent data guide decision-making.

Principle 1: Separate Enforcement from Care
Crisis responses for homelessness, mental health emergencies, substance use, and domestic conflict are often inappropriate for traditional police intervention. Uniformed officers, trained primarily for law enforcement rather than care, may escalate tensions, criminalize vulnerability, or fail to provide adequate support.

Alternative models, such as CAHOOTS (Crisis Assistance Helping Out On The Streets) in Eugene, Oregon, and similar community response teams in Toronto, Canada, deploy trained clinicians, social workers, and mediators to handle nonviolent crises. Evidence suggests these programs reduce unnecessary arrests, minimize injuries, and improve trust between communities and public safety agencies. In both UK and US contexts, embedding healthcare professionals alongside response teams reduces escalation and prevents downstream criminalization.

Principle 2: Localize and Democratize Accountability
Public trust is strengthened when local communities have oversight and voice in shaping public safety priorities. Establishing community boards with authority over local response teams, transparent complaint resolution processes, and independent civilian audits creates structural incentives for cultural change.

Both London’s Metropolitan Police governance reforms and civilian oversight structures in cities such as New York and Chicago highlight the importance of independent, empowered bodies capable of enforcing accountability. External oversight must have investigatory authority and sufficient resources to ensure timely and effective review of misconduct or systemic failures.

Principle 3: Reduce the Role of Armed, Coercive Interventions
The routine deployment of armed officers contributes to the normalization of coercion and increases the risk of harm, particularly for marginalized communities. In Western contexts, both the UK and US demonstrate the need to reserve armed intervention for narrowly defined, high-risk tasks.

For routine public safety, prioritizing de-escalation, nonviolent conflict resolution, and restorative justice practices promotes harm reduction and community reintegration. Programs such as restorative justice circles in US municipalities and diversionary policing initiatives in the UK demonstrate measurable reductions in recidivism and enhanced community cohesion.

Principle 4: Reinvest in Social Determinants of Safety
Long-term safety cannot be achieved solely through law enforcement. Investments in housing, mental health services, youth programs, education, and employment opportunities address root causes of harm and reduce the likelihood of criminalized behaviors.

Budget reallocations toward prevention and community infrastructure yield higher returns in public safety than expansion of enforcement. Examples include community-led housing initiatives in Scandinavian cities and youth engagement programs in US urban centers, which correlate with reduced crime rates and increased community resilience.

Principle 5: Professionalize Non-Police Crisis Responders
Alternative responders require clear professional frameworks to ensure effectiveness and sustainability. Developing recognized career paths, standardized training, legal authority, and integration with public safety systems is essential. Professionalization enables accountability, credibility, and continuity, ensuring that non-police interventions are treated as legitimate and reliable components of public safety.

Principle 6: Transparent Data and Outcomes
Transparency is foundational for accountability and evidence-based reform. Public dashboards reporting complaints, use of force, referral outcomes, and demographic impacts allow communities to scrutinize performance and guide policy decisions. Both UK and US jurisdictions increasingly deploy open data initiatives to monitor law enforcement and response teams, enhancing trust and supporting adaptive reforms.

Case Studies and Evidence

  • CAHOOTS (Crisis Assistance Helping Out On The Streets), Eugene, Oregon: Mental health crises handled by clinicians rather than police resulted in fewer arrests and reduced hospitalizations.
  • London’s community policing pilots: Embedding officers with community liaison roles increased reporting of minor crimes and improved citizen satisfaction.
  • Toronto’s mobile crisis teams: Mental health and addiction response teams reduced unnecessary emergency department admissions and arrests.

Recent BBC Panorama revelations in London illustrate the stakes of failing to implement such principles: custody suites became environments of normalized bigotry and violence, reflecting an institutional mismatch between coercive tools and public needs. Similar patterns in US police departments, documented through DOJ investigations and local reporting, demonstrate that this is a transatlantic problem.

Western policing institutions are at a critical juncture. The evidence indicates that centralized, uniformed police forces, designed historically to maintain order and protect property, are insufficient to meet contemporary public safety needs. A plural, layered system guided by the six principles; separating enforcement from care, democratizing accountability, reducing coercive interventions, reinvesting in social determinants, professionalizing non-police responders, and ensuring transparency, offers a path toward equitable, effective, and sustainable public safety across Western societies.

Reforms must be systemic, not incremental, and must embrace experimentation and evaluation. The lessons from pilot programs and investigative revelations alike underscore a simple truth: public safety is not merely the absence of crime, it is the presence of care, trust, and community resilience.

Sources:

  1. BBC Panorama. (2023). Undercover: Inside the Met.
  2. Casey, L. (2023). Baroness Casey Review: Independent Review into the Standards of Behaviour and Internal Culture of the Metropolitan Police Service.
  3. CAHOOTS Program (Crisis Assistance Helping Out On The Streets), Eugene, Oregon. White Bird Clinic.
  4. Toronto Mobile Crisis Services. City of Toronto.
  5. New York City Civilian Complaint Review Board.
  6. DOJ Investigations into US Police Misconduct, 2010–2023. U.S. Department of Justice.

The NRE Rule: Why Nothing You Say Should Count within the First 180 Days

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I first shared a version of this article on Fetlife, where it sparked some discussion. My aim here is to focus on the experience of being in the NRE zone, rather than on the potential fallout that can sometimes occur around it. That said, I do include a few considerations you might find worth reflecting on. Enjoy!

Polyamory veterans know a universal truth: New Relationship Energy (NRE) makes people completely, gloriously bonkers. And not in a “quirky fun” way – in a “you just cancelled dinner with your long‑term partner because your new crush sent you a TikTok of a honey badger” kind of way.

For the uninitiated, NRE is that fizzy cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin your brain starts shaking up the moment you meet someone new who lights up your nervous system. Think champagne meets espresso meets a sugar rush. You’re drunk on possibility, jittery with lust, and convinced you’ve found The One (or The One Plus the Others You Already Love).

Your friends nod knowingly while making silent bets on how long before you resurface. Your partners smile politely while you quietly move your toothbrush back to your bathroom. And you? You’re busy imagining joint vacations, co‑buying an air fryer, and wondering whether it’s “too soon” to introduce them to your entire extended family. (Spoiler: yes, it is.)

The NRE Rule

My personal safeguard – forged in the fires of experience – is what I call The NRE Rule:

For the first 180 days, whatever you say to each other is lovely – even magical – but it doesn’t count for shit.
Come day 181, you’d better know what you’re saying and committing to… or else.

Why 180 days? Because science says that’s about how long it takes for the champagne bubbles of NRE to start going flat. The hormonal flood subsides, reality wanders back in wearing sweatpants, and suddenly you’re seeing this person in normal lighting – not just by candlelight or after three Negronis.

Neuroscience tells us that in those first months, your brain is actively conspiring to make you overlook flaws. Evolution likes this trick – it’s great for mating – but terrible for deciding who you should let rearrange your furniture.

Why It Works

The NRE Rule is not about being cynical. It’s about enjoying the high without buying real estate while you’re still tipsy. It:

  • Protects your long‑term loves from your NRE‑drunk time‑management disasters.
  • Keeps your new connection fun without attaching premature permanence.
  • Gives relationships breathing space to prove they work in ordinary, boring, real‑life conditions.

So by all means, whisper “forever” under the covers, build blanket forts, and make each other playlists. Just don’t sign a mortgage, merge your Netflix accounts, or promise to raise alpacas together until you’ve passed the 180‑day checkpoint.

Because here’s the thing: Day 181 is when the fun talk turns into real talk. That’s when “I’ll always be there for you” starts meaning right now, in this actual moment, with all our messy schedules and emotional baggage. It’s when the NRE sparkle gives way to the glow of real compatibility — or the thud of “oh… so that’s who you are.”

Until then? Enjoy the sugar rush. Just remember: before 180 days, you’re spending Monopoly money. After that? The bank account opens for real.

And I don’t care how cute they are – no one gets the air fryer until they’ve made it to Day 181.

Reevaluating Policing Priorities: A Call for Community-Centered Approaches in Ottawa

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The Ottawa Police Service (OPS) has proposed a significant budget increase, citing the need to enhance services across the city. However, evidence suggests that reallocating existing funds towards community-focused policing could be a more effective, and sustainable approach to reducing crime without additional financial burden.

Community Policing: A Proven Strategy
The OPS has implemented several community-oriented strategies that have shown promising outcomes. The Community Outreach, Response, and Engagement (CORE) Strategy, for instance, focuses on addressing the root causes of crime in specific areas such as the ByWard Market and Rideau Street. By increasing foot patrols and engaging with local stakeholders, the OPS has reported a 17.9% reduction in calls for service and a 4.62% decrease in crime across these hotspots. 

Similarly, the District Deployment Model tailors policing efforts to the unique needs of Ottawa’s diverse neighborhoods. This approach emphasizes collaboration with community partners to resolve local issues, enhancing service delivery and community trust.

Resource Reallocation: Investing in Prevention
The proposed budget increase for the OPS is substantial, potentially adding approximately $30 million to the police budget. Critics argue that these funds could be more effectively utilized by investing in community-based services that address the root causes of crime, such as poverty, mental health, and education.

Initiatives like Crime Prevention Ottawa’s “Vision Jasmine” project have demonstrated the effectiveness of community-led efforts in reducing crime. By focusing on community engagement and support, such programs have led to a significant reduction in crime rates in neighborhoods that experienced multiple homicides. 

Building Trust Through Engagement
Community policing emphasizes building trust and collaboration between police and community members. The OPS’s CORE Strategy and District Deployment Model are steps in this direction, aiming to create stronger relationships with residents and address their unique concerns. Investing in these initiatives can lead to more effective policing and a safer community overall.

While the OPS’s request for a budget increase highlights the need for enhanced services, a shift towards community-focused policing offers a more sustainable and effective solution. By reallocating existing resources to initiatives that address the underlying causes of crime and foster community trust, Ottawa can create a safer and more equitable environment for all residents.

On the Illusion of Self-Discovery 

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In an age where “finding yourself” has become a lifestyle brand, it’s hard not to notice, gently, how strange it all is.

You see it everywhere: bright, hopeful faces on “healing journeys,” framed against sunsets in Bali; corporate executives burning out in glass towers only to reappear months later as “authentic living” coaches after a $12,000 retreat in the Andes. Suburban families decluttering their closets in search of inner peace, as if enlightenment might be hidden somewhere between last season’s jackets and the yoga mats.

Modern self-discovery, especially among the comfortable and educated classes, has become an elaborate ritual. The tools vary: yoga teacher trainings, digital detox camps, van life road trips, artisanal workshops on gratitude, but the impulse remains deeply human: the yearning to feel whole, to understand oneself beyond the blur of obligations.

And yet, with a kind of quiet sadness, you realize that much of this restless effort misses the heart of what older wisdom traditions have long tried to say: that the self you are chasing cannot be caught like a butterfly. The ego, the needy, striving “I”, is not a puzzle to be solved or a prize to be won. It is an illusion to be gently seen through, a dream to wake up from.

In this softer light, it’s clear that modern self-discovery often becomes a new form of grasping. A gentler grasping, perhaps, dressed in mindfulness retreats and ayahuasca ceremonies, but grasping nonetheless. Transformation is packaged, marketed, and sold, with self-actualization offered for a price. It’s not that these experiences are without value; many carry glimpses of beauty and honesty, but when the pursuit becomes a new identity, a new project of consumption, it quietly reinforces the very suffering people hope to leave behind.

Meanwhile, the genuine work, the real, hard, simple work, remains overlooked. It doesn’t glitter. It looks like sweeping a floor without resentment, holding silence without needing to fill it, sitting with discomfort without demanding it change. It looks like living, fully and without drama, in the plainness of an unremarkable day.

Ancient teachings, whether whispered under the Bodhi tree, scribbled in the margins of Stoic letters, or passed hand-to-hand among Sufi poets, point always to the same difficult kindness: You do not find yourself by changing scenery. You find yourself by changing how you see.

And sometimes, by realizing, with a soft sigh, not a harsh judgment, that there was no fixed, shining “self” to find after all.

This truth is not meant to mock anyone’s search. It is not meant to diminish the sincere longing behind every yoga mat, every travel blog, every self-help journal. Longing is sacred. The path is sacred. It is only that the destination, in the end, may be smaller and quieter than expected, not a place to arrive at, but a way of being already waiting inside the life you have.

And that, perhaps, is enough.

The “True Love Will Change Him” Myth

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One of the most persistent cultural myths about relationships is the idea that “true love” can fundamentally change someone’s nature. It appears in countless stories: the roguish bachelor who becomes the devoted husband, the restless wanderer who finally settles down, the free spirit tamed by the right partner. In the context of polyamory, this myth often takes a specific form: the belief that a happily polyamorous person will eventually abandon multiple loves when they meet the “right one.”

For many polyamorous people, this is a familiar experience. We disclose our relationship orientation clearly and early, often as one of the very first things we share. And yet, it is not uncommon to encounter potential partners who hear “I am polyamorous” not as a statement of identity or practice, but as a challenge to be overcome. The assumption lingers that love, if deep enough, will lead to conversion.

This assumption reveals more about the cultural scripts we inherit than about the people involved. Generations of romantic storytelling have reinforced the notion that the highest form of intimacy is exclusive, permanent monogamy. When polyamorous individuals do not conform to this arc, partners may experience confusion, disappointment, or even a sense of betrayal, as though a promised transformation has failed to occur.

The problem runs deeper than mismatched expectations. At first glance, polyamory appears to be a liberating and beautiful idea. Who would not want more love, more intimacy, more sources of support and joy? Yet when lived in practice, polyamory frequently exposes unresolved vulnerabilities. The experience of sharing a partner can provoke profound feelings of abandonment, inadequacy, or betrayal. For many, it becomes the first time they must directly confront the reality of their attachment style and emotional insecurities.

This is one reason polyamory is often misunderstood. It is not simply “more love,” nor is it an easy alternative to monogamy. It is a demanding practice that requires rigorous self-examination, radical honesty, and a capacity for discomfort. Jealousy, fear, and insecurity do not disappear in polyamory; they are amplified. To remain in the dynamic requires bravery, and a willingness to name and work through these challenges.

It also requires discipline. Not only sexual discipline, though that is critical, given the need for careful vetting and consideration of potential partners, but emotional discipline. Communication skills become the backbone of any polyamorous structure. And here, one of the most sobering truths emerges. 

“The quality of a polycule is directly proportional to the communication skills of its least emotionally secure member; or, if you prefer something gentler, less absolute, more accepting – a polycule’s health depends less on its most skilled communicator, than on how well its least secure member feels heard.”

If even one person in the network is unable to express needs, set boundaries, or listen without defensiveness, the strain reverberates outward. This is why intentional partner choice matters. Attraction and chemistry may open the door, but sustainability depends on emotional maturity and the capacity for dialogue. Without these, polyamory can quickly collapse into chaos and harm, easily mistaken for selfishness or exploitation disguised as “freedom.”

The myth of “true love will change him” bypasses this complexity. It reassures us that we will not need to face our own insecurities, because eventually the polyamorous partner will conform to a monogamous ideal, but this reassurance is hollow. The harder truth is that no amount of affection can erase a person’s fundamental orientation toward relationships. Attempting to do so often results not in intimacy, but in resentment and disillusionment.

A more grounded vision of love recognizes people as they are, rather than as we wish them to be. True love, in this light, is not about rewriting someone’s story, but about choosing to join it. It requires clarity, communication, and the courage to engage with the difficult emotions that inevitably arise. Polyamory, when practiced with integrity, is not a rejection of love’s depth, but an expansion of its possibilities, provided those involved are willing to meet the demands it places upon them.

Ultimately, the challenge of polyamory is also its gift. It forces participants to confront their own fears, to sharpen their honesty, and to expand their capacity for empathy. It strips away the comforting illusion that love can be a simple cure-all. In doing so, it offers a different, and perhaps more radical, lesson: that love is not about changing another person, but about embracing them fully, while also accepting the work required to embrace oneself.

An idea that’s been waiting since 2019 is finally ready to come into the light. PolyConnections will be a shared space for stories and reflections from across the polyamorous community: a place to write, to connect, and to listen. It’s been a long time coming, but the conversation is about to begin.

Publicly Funded, Religiously Filtered Health Care? It’s Time Ontario Let Go

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Imagine a sexual assault survivor rushing to the nearest emergency department, only to learn the hospital refuses to provide emergency contraception on religious grounds. Instead of treatment, she’s given a referral or sent elsewhere. Every passing hour erodes the medicine’s effectiveness. That’s not theoretical. That’s happening in Ontario today, at taxpayer-funded Catholic hospitals.

Ontarians pay taxes to fund health care. When the province funds a hospital, that hospital should deliver the “standard of care”, not a version filtered through religious doctrine. Yet, Catholic hospitals, because of conscience protections enshrined by the Charter and history, often refuse to provide emergency contraception or abortion directly. They may offer referrals, but not timely, on-site treatment.

Let’s be clear: no individual clinician’s conscience should be dismissed. Personal conscience protections are vital, and should remain, but institutions are not persons. Catholic hospitals choose to operate within the public health system, serving a broad and diverse population. When they choose public funding, they must also choose to meet public expectations: evidence-based, timely care.

A survivor’s access to medical care must not hinge on the hospital’s religious affiliation. Ontario’s policy is explicit: survivors deserve immediate access to emergency contraception and trauma-informed care. Yet religious exemptions turn policy into patchwork, a postcode lottery in survival care.

This isn’t about dismantling Catholic health care providers. It’s about accountability. The province can maintain agreements with religious institutions, but with conditions. Hospital funding contracts must mandate on-site delivery of all provincially endorsed, time-sensitive reproductive health services. If a facility cannot reconcile that with its religious identity, it should opt out of the public system and operate privately.

Ontario must uphold the principle that public funding buys uniform, high-quality, evidence-based health care for every resident. No one’s care should be delayed or denied because of a logo on a door. Ontarians, especially survivors of trauma, deserve more than patchwork conformity. They deserve consistency, dignity, and timely treatment.

It’s time to close the conscience loophole.