Ever feel like your life is an endless RSVP? Invitations roll in: “Come to this event! Join me for that activity! Let’s grab a drink!” It’s lovely to be included, truly. But what’s less lovely are the interrogations that follow when I politely decline.

“What are you doing instead?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Wait… who’s more important than me?”

Ah, the joys of boundary-setting in a world that thrives on FOMO and social expectations.

This isn’t my first rodeo with the honesty vs. transparency debate, but today I want to shift the focus. It’s not about what I say to others – it’s about how I choose to live my daily life. For me, it’s far simpler (and far more satisfying) to opt in when I genuinely want to connect than to constantly opt out to preserve my space.

If the world were a little more straightforward, I’d label my lifestyle as that of a Solo Polyamorous Relationship Anarchist (or SoPoRA for short). What does that mean? It’s a big mouthful, sure, but at its core, it’s a fancy way of saying I value my autonomy and independence while cherishing meaningful, non-hierarchical connections with others.

Solo Polyamory is all about embracing the beauty of being my own primary partner, while maintaining multiple, consensual relationships. It’s not about having less love – it’s about loving without turning my life into a game of musical chairs, where one partner automatically claims the “primary” seat.

And Relationship Anarchism? That’s the freedom to reject societal scripts about how relationships should work. No automatic rankings of romantic partners above friends. No forcing connections into neat little boxes labeled “partner,” “friend,” or “fling.” Instead, each relationship is uniquely crafted based on mutual agreement and organic growth.

Now, before you picture me as some lone wolf prowling around in emotional isolation, let me clarify: this choice doesn’t mean I don’t value connection – it just means I thrive on creating it without compromising my independence. 

But what this looks like practically, I hear you ask? Well, I love my space – my home is my sanctuary, and it’s where I recharge. I set firm personal boundaries to maintain my autonomy – this isn’t selfish – it’s self-care. Communication is my superpower – I prioritize honesty, consent, and mutual understanding with anyone I’m involved with.

Solo Polyamory and Relationship Anarchism require a level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence that can feel like a full-time job some days. But the rewards? Oh, they’re worth it. There’s a joy in living authentically, in crafting connections that adapt as people grow, and in knowing every “yes” you give is genuine.

So, the next time I politely decline an invitation, know this: it’s not about you. It’s about me choosing to live a life that feels full, free, and fulfilling – one beautifully crafted, consensual connection at a time.